the shopping cart is an often overlooked but undeniably superior mode of transportation.



i have allergies and an unruly bladder. sneeze-pee, sneeze-pee, sneeze-pee.

hopefully it's not the aids.



yesterday i was made to eat my own words. and since i mainly talk shit, it was quite the unpleasant experience.




get it?



i'd like to point out that i looked like myself before anyone else started looking like me. undeniable logic, there.



EVERYONE NEEDS TO STOP DRESSING, IF THEY INSIST ON DRESSING LIKE THEY EXISTED IN THE EIGHTIES BEFORE ALL THE ICONS O.D.'D.

I WAS SOVER THWNE I TAEY=-ED THIS.

ROBERT, MAKE YOUR MIDN, BLONDE OR BLACKE!!
]
WHY ARE OUR FINGERNAILS TAHT WAY.

SNAP!!!!!!!!!



DADDY MADE AJ JOEL.

HE DID.

"I CALN TYPE CLIND WITH A NEWSOAPAER.?\\\

IT IS NOT.

NO
@!qCV
JKXHJFSDLFNHJCVKNLET\\


LET ME TRANSLATE.

HER DAD SAID "i CAN TYPE BLIND WITH A NEWSPAPER"

AND "SHE STILL CANT DO DISHES"

HUTCH SAID "I'M EXCITED THAT ITS MY BIRTHDAY AND I'M EXCITED THAT ITS MY BIRTHDAY! OH IT STOPPED YA! TOUCHE! HAHHHAHAHA WHAT IS THAT DOING? WHAT? THANK YOU! WHERE IS THE LIBRARY? WHAT? WHERE IS LIBERTY IN THIS FUCKING NATION? THATS NOT WHAT I SAID AT ALL! THIS DOESNT WORK"

"THEY WERENT MY FRIENDS...THEY LEFT"

her dad then said "THATS WHAT SHE SAID"

apparently, i'm typing furiously...without err.

"21 years ago..i was born untruthfully"

"thats not what happened"

(smoke)

I DIDNT SAY THAT ENTIRE PARAGRAPH

OH IT DROPPED
OH IT HURTS


poem by erin hutchison


(giggle)

IT HURT
IT BURNT MY CROTCH
I HOPE IT BLOWS UP ON YA

AHHHA

IM UPSET


JUST WAIT UNTIL YOUR 21st birthday.

YOU USED THE BACKFUCK BUTTON.


(snort)

ERIN: MY ABDOMEN
MOM: HUH? WHAT HURTS
ERIN: MY ABDOMEN
MOM: HUH?
ERIN: CARRIE MADE IT

Mike: (smoke)

theyt ry to ty-e[ the ingk ukidrped it.

i had to inofrme the public that i drom=ed

WHY ISLN'T LILLY HERE

Crreia

tyriepst to pt4ahlerhjl

mybackspacebuttonwentawry

itsgonenbc

THERE'S A LARGER INSENT GHOVERING

THYE TRIED TO DO TTHINGSK.

THEYRE' WRONG.

WRONG
WRONG
WORNG
WOGN
WRONG
LWRONGH
WRONG
WRONGL
WERPJG
WRPMG
WRONG
WRONGA
WRONG
SHE'S WRONG

I'M BG]ST SAID 'QUTI IT' T THE KEYOBARD AND SHE OVED IT

you wonr't know whey









i don't know what i said beack there.

it's ok.

becausse i' put exctar spaces.
]
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you know this 'butterflies' feeling so often spoke of? i never felt it before we started out.

i fear his track record, yes, and when he says things i can't help but think "what other girls have heard these same words come out of his mouth?"

but then i've been thinking that less and less.

and i fear this so, so much.

he's saying long-term and i'm thinking will he still like me better than other girls tomorrow.

and should i just give myself up? there's never been anyone that hasn't left me because they preferred the company of another to my own, so if this one does it, will my nerves still be deadened? could i take it?

i've given him three infidelities. because, after all, it's mike. he refuses to take them. i do not doubt this, i am completely confident he's been faithful.

thus far.

and it's the thus far that chafes me. the longer we go on, the less resistance i'll have to my feelings.

at first i thought to break up with him because i had feelings, but the time for that has passed. things have progressed too far for that. it's the progressing, really, that's scaring the fuck out of me. because it won't stop. it hasn't plateaued.

he makes me shake when he's not even around. when he's three counties over. when he's on my mind.

i'm tired of the many many many many many many times alex has gotten me to cockblock and tried very very very very very hard and gotten momentarily distracted and failed and been reprimanded.

i just want to get DRUNK for once, and not WORRY about these FUCKING THINGS.

so i made a threat, and for once, i carried through with something.

and maybe it was the wrong time to carry it out, but i'm still proud of myself.

sorry for doing what you told me to do. sorry for doing what i told you i was going to do.

i hope you get what YOU wanted to do.

it's like, petting a sick animal. i hope you didn't touch it and then rub your eyes/nose.

i'm seeing my significant other tomorrow. i am happy.

also, my nipples hurt from the stress tonight has brought me.

ALEX: "did you lose that extra chromosome lately?"

i hate the kid.

he read that.

ALEX: "you have to put the rest of the conversation in there"
ALEX: "all of it"
ALEX: *laughter for five minutes*
ALEX: "i didnt say laughter"
ALEX: *more laughter*

mike and i have been a couple, and i've been liking it greatly.

i honestly think he likes me for something other than this incredibly tight hole of woman-flesh between my ultra shapely thighs. which hasn't happened since before the aforementioned hole matured, i believe.

we were in a car accident, i don't remember much, as a printer slammed into the back of my skull and something yet to be determined slammed into my forehead. but somewhere between him getting me out of the car and laying me on the ground and trying to keep me concious and myself unashamedly calling for my mother, i remember thinking "hey, this is a pretty cool guy".

and then some lady came along and put me on a blanket and told me that even though her husband only has one leg, he still does alright in bed.

it was a pretty surreal night.

we sleep in a raft rather than on a mattress. and that's just so fucking cool.

he understands the relationship with alex. wrestling and TMI and spooning and marriage and all. and that's just so fucking cool.

this'll end badly, but i'm not going to consider that. in the meantime, i'm metaphorically recklessly riding down a sharp hill in a radio flyer with my eyes closed, yelling "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"





any questions will be answered below.

i am still not dressed and alex will be here in ten...i forsee wrestling.


i get to see danielle tonight, i'm quite enthusiastic.











many things have happened, actually.

i'm reaaaaaasonably sure i awkwarded up a friendship last night.

but the doll was the best part.

lots of things happened but i can't remember what they were.

the end.

rachel made me do a power hour with her, but i'm pretty sure things happened before that.

actually, alex bought me a $58 prom dress with a huge 'FUBU' on the front. and pink chiffon. and it has a place to put your key ring. and it's so ugly. and god damn it alex, i am not black. and now i have to wear it. because it was $58. and i was not consulted. AND GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, IT HAS A PLACE TO PUT YOUR KEYRING. I AM SO UPSET.

and then rachel made me do the power hour. and then she passed out immediately afterwards.

BUT!

THEN!

we drove around and spray-painted everything, from bridges to signs to trees to the roads themselves. and it was so retarded. and it was so amazing.

EW, i'm drunk.

i like an excuse to get loud and boisterous and stompy and throwing-thingsy. i like being able to dance like no one's watching, because they aren't anyway.

hahahaha the most illegal thing ever happened.

recently i've pretty much deleted my favorite person from my life, and i am unsure if this is the right choice. it's not like...they were "there".

it was kind of a 'practice what you preach' kind of thing. and i don't like feeling inadequate, really.

last night i had a dream that we went to planned parenthood together. and it was so romantic.

i hope i made it worth it...but after awhile, you just wouldn't let me anymore.

and then i realized that you were not substituted, nay, but replaced...and i couldn't tell if i was happy or sad about it.

the only thing left is messenger, and i think that'll go soon...no reponse = what's the use?

you made me feel like a natural woman.

and we'll always have west school.

THE END.





tomorrow alex is taking me to buy my prom dress, i honestly think he's more excited about it than i. i am going with little tyler, who is a cutie patootie flamer that dirty dances like he's actually trying to impregnate someone. i am ENTHUSED.

i'll be the oldest one there. people are going to mistake me for a chaperone. mark my words.

also, i'll be trashfaced. woo wee jim! i'll be drunk in school one last time, for memory's sake.



work sucked today, so i had a nap in the file room. i am quite professional.

i spilled peach yogurt on my pajama bottoms and thought of you.

i'm pretty sure i have TSS...that brings no one in particular to mind.

today is carrie's birthday, and i'm sad to say that we are not together to celebrate. i would totally face a room full of people that hate me and a devil cat for you all over again, carriekins.

that memory tasted like mrs. grass' noodle soup.

other things that are happening this month include: heather's visiting from indiana (quite likely), and joe's visiting from colorado (unlikely).

there's so much to talk about, but i ain't like it.

alex packed me a lunch yesterday consisting of a bag of kettle corn, a granny smith apple, a package of croutons and sour skittles for desert. complete with a bag with my name on it.

maybe not blog-worthy, but goddammit i thought it was awesome.

i have larengitis, i know it. it's just laying low in there, somewhere. teasing me.

yesterday was fun...we went to the park...alex humped me up the slide and then right back down it, and i was not amused at all. i think that people get the wrong idea and it hurts my sexly chances. yes...that excuse works nicely.

i bought a naughty nurses outfit. it's quite naughty. i'm wearing it to stawn's this weekend, if i attend at all. and then i'm going to fuck whatever girl comes up to me first.

my new glasses came in today...i'm waiting for my father's IQ to increase so perhaps we can leave to get them soon.

alex is in DC this weekend, so tim and i are having a strangers-with-candyathon, spiced up with enough methadone to overdose a circus clown.

whatever that may mean.

i like sitting around. i haven't sat around in a long, long time.

well, i'm really not good at this anymore, so...ta.

my tummy hurts really, really bad. apparently morphine does not agree with me.

i'm waiting for alex to awaken so we can do whatever it is we're to do today.

and

i am bored. my stomach. ow.

i am engaged.

to alex.

this is not a drill.

we're getting married in late may. at the park. and i am excited. and you should be too.

and i have a ring, and everything.

and he proposed when we were both very much fucked up. and it was soo romantic. and awesome. very.

our bachelor(ette) parties will be combined, and our friend brandy will be stripping, but we're also searching for a male stripper. so volunteer, if you like.

if you're reading this, of course you're invited. this includes colorado joseph.

p.s. i'm not knocked up. we're "waiting".

who apparently takes an interest in my life, even from the distance of colorado.

i worked 32 hours out of 24 today. which has GOT to be illegal.

it's so much fun i could fuck it. i think that motony makes time go faster.

tommorrow should be pretty awesome. and friday. and saturday. these kids are fucking amazing.

i like this one girl. therefore i will completely cut her out of my life.

this is how i roll.

hot.

i'm high on vicoden and it makes me so nostalgic for ryan. i'll drop one on the curb for ya, babe.

first i'll have to make a curb. or a basketball court. that would be fun.

when i was little, there was a shitload of junker cars out here, one of which was a church bus. we used to play on it and say blasphemous things. one day, i sat down on the front seat (props to ms. parks) and was bitten by a snake. coincidence? or random irrelevant story? you decide.

whenever i read choose your own adventure books, i always die a horrible death. i've yet to have a positive outcome.

i've been having so much fun lately, it's insanity. it's a welcome change from moping around, wishing carrie were here so that i could say things that she would reply to in that tremendous carrie-like manner that no one else has, not being carrie and all. oh, oh. oh.

i'm in full-blown lesbian mode. i can't believe how much more pleasing it is than bisexual mode.

so, i'm doing some questioning.

cock will always have a special place in my heart, but vagina is like...a way of life.

GOT THE JOB, GOT THE JOB.

thanks to **********, for the LUCK.

and thanks to my grandmother, for passing on the cleavage.

and thanks to rebecca, who was too much of a douche to handle filing.

and thanks to hillshire farms, for the lit'l red smokies. the flavor, the flavor...

and again, thanks to all the cool joes, for the conversation(s).

i hate this kid for me liking him.

djmikeeclue: i've decided to become a communist revolutionary
Jorje Ventura: i've decided to become a dentist.